That Awkward Turtle

Running into people you know can be weird sometimes.

Running into people you barely know, even more.

Running into people you might have seen around sometime in your life but you are not entirely sure if you know them or not until they smile at you and you awkwardly wave at them and for some reason you stop in front of each other to make small talk, is much worse.

And God knows why you decided to stop in the first place.

Like its the best idea in the world to catch up about the last couple of years in the middle of a shopping mall, bags in hand weighing you down and all.

Like either one of you even cares.

You know she was in your school but you never said a word to her in school. Why the fuck would you want to talk to her now. Should you just leave? Should you hug her? Kiss on the cheek? What if you both lean in to kiss from the same side like it happens so often and everything gets even more awkward?

Person 1: Heyyy (I already hate myself for initiating this conversation)

Person 2: Oh Hi! (That was a little too chirpy)

Person 1: Whatsup

Person 2: Nothing much, what about you? (I am officially bored by this conversation)

Person 1: Oh nothing. Are you shopping? (:S ofcourse she is. Wtf kind of a question is that :s)

Person 2: Haha, yeah. (Why did I laugh :S )

*awkward silence*

Person 1: So what are you doing these days... (please let this conversation end here)

Person 2: The usual.. University, Work, this thing I am working on..

Person 1: Okay. well.. My mom is calling me (We both know that is not true, but I know you respect me a little more now because I ended this very uncomfortable encounter)

Person 2: Yeah, okay.. Bye! (I might not remember your name, but I respect you a little more now for ending this very uncomfortable encounter)

You both smile and, as a final 'I hope we never have to do this again' goodbye gesture, lean in at the same time to kiss each other's cheek, except you do it from the same side and you almost end up kissing each other on the lips.

How.very.awkward.

Rejoice.

My heart starts to race.
This is it, the moment of truth.

Adrenaline rushes through my veins. I feel scared. And alive. I can either succeed, or lose. Everything. And if I lose, its back to the beginning. Start over. From scratch. With nothing but regret and the one thought haunting me along the way.. 'where did I go wrong?'
But I have a good feeling about this. I will be fine. I just know it.

Yes.. yes..
My eyes dart back and forth. Check. check. There it is. That moment of bliss. I DID IT.

I cant believe I did it.
Its beautiful, this moment. This is a moment to remember and cherish forever.

I inhale deeply. I am haapy. I feel invincible.

You have never experienced joy till you have had your first trial balance balance.

Laanat.

wait, WHAT?!
Are you serious, Mr. Ricksha man?

I cant pay you three hundren fucking rupees for a fifteen minute ride.
No, no, NO, you listen to ME.

I hate arguing with ricksha walas. Theres just something about that whole setting that is uncomfortable for me; him sitting on his rickha throne and me standing with money in my hand trying to get him to bring the price down. and people staring as they pass. and other ricksha walas giving me disapproving looks.

KEEP YOUR LOOKS TO YOURSELVES, RICKSHA DUDES.

Three hundred ruppes! I can buy credit with that money and call people who have ufone numbers... I CAN TALK TO THEM FOR SIXTY SIX HOURS with that money.

Thats how many hours I can talk to people for with ufones awesome package.

And no, ufone is not paying me to do this.

and even if I were to ask them to pay me, I WOULD CERTAINLY NOT RIP THEM OFF.

Ricksha man, you are ripping me off. I have never paid over one twenty and that too was one of those times when i didnt have time to bring the price down because even THAT is too much. I just took the same ride a few hours ago and paid the guy eighty. HE ASKED FOR EIGHTY.

You know what? Why dont we stop another ricksha man and ask what he would charge me for the same ride.

Yeah, Ima expose you, you overcharging, bearded, toothpick chewing man.

We will see whos right and whos wrong in jussst a minute.

Other ricksha man: Three hundred.

...Saray milay huay hain BC.

All Eyes On Me.

Definitely NOT a good thing when you are walking in saddar.

I was walking through the electronic market, looking for my car. I stopped in front of this phone repair shop and heard this SENILE man say loudly to his friend Hayeeee Aaj toh lagta hai roza kharaab hojayega.

I turned around and they were looking at me.

Living in Karachi, I guess you get so used to this kind of thing that you even stop noticing things like this.

Because when the guy said this out to his friend, instead of being creeped out, offended or repulsed by men in general, I found myself wondering why he was fasting two months after Ramzan was over.

And what he was going to have for iftari.

Those Shoes Are Mine, Betch.

Yesterday I dressed up for a formal event. I was really tired after not having slept the night before and having been out ALL day working, studying, multitasking and what not. All I wanted to do was lie down in my room and pass out.

Instead, I decided to make my life miserable. Yay!

My cousin offered to lend me her shoes for the event. She has some seriously sexy shoes. The sadness of the situation was that I was two sizes too big for them.

But ofcourse THAT silly little fact didnt stop us from fitting my giant feet into the shoes.

Shoes with a heel of five and a half inches (why yes, I measured)

Now, I am just like any other girl who will wear high heels, smile through the excruciating pain and be alright. I love heels and thats that.

But this was different. Apparently an inch can make you redefine the term 'excruciating'.

Apparently a size or two down, your shoes can almost be the unfortunate cause of your death.

There was no blood supply to my feet. Or so I like to think in my overdramatic head. Saying that it 'hurt' is the biggest understatement ever made. I could feel a little part of my feet dying. If my feet could speak, they would have been yelling 'YOU SADISTIC BITCH, WE ARE WALKING OUT ON YOU THE MINUTE YOU GET US OUT OF HERE'

And I hadnt even reached the venue at that point.

My dad stopped at the entrance of Marriot and told me to get off and go up while he parked

the car. Daughterly love made me go 'Nooo.. I want to go up with you'

Probably should have thought that through.

My dad drove on and I could feel my heart sink with every turn of the wheel.

We drove past cars. No parking.

We turned. No parking.

We drove to the end of that lane. No parking.

We drove out of the hotel premises (and I am thinking WTF NO NO NOOOO!)

We turned. OH MY GOD.

We drove to the end of some STREET and finally parked the car.

FML.

The next five minutes I walked.

My unconsious has repressed that memory for obvious reasons.

Finally I made it to the hall where I was supposed to be.

I CAN FINALLY SIT. OMG YES. OMG.

A few people came up to me and said 'I love your shoesss!'

YEAH, YOU BETTER.

From now on I am ONLY sticking to comfortable shoes.

You know, the four and a half inch heel ones.

Kick Me When I'm High.

Me: um, ma’am? I wanted to talk to you about leaves for the AIESEC conference. See there is…
Ma’am: No leaves.
Me: oh. Um.

Now I am awkwardly standing in the middle of her room, wondering if I should argue or just leave. If I leave, i get no leaves. If I don’t, I will piss her off. And shes not nice to people who piss her off. See, the thing about this woman is that she can easily make you want to have the ground swallow you whole with the way she insults you in public. And she will insult you in public. I just do not want to give her a reason to. Dont get me wrong, I think shes pretty cool. I just dont want to look like an idiot infront of her.

But I am pretty sure I do.

Me: but.. um.. see, woh, er.. the conference.. and absences.. and..

She looks up from her desk. Oh no.

Ma’am: There are no leaves. Leave now.

Me: yes ma’am.

Ma’am: wait.. She looks at me for a second. You had a good paper.

Me: huh? what? What paper?

I have like NO idea what she is talking about. It cannot be my last exam paper because that was a product of a very long sleeples and highly eventful night. That paper made no sense to me whatsoever. So if my answers made any sense to her, then.. um, bravo?

Ma’am: Hourly wala paper. Aur kaunsa paper. Look. There. Kya answers likhay hain.

She points to a stack of papers. I think she wants me to take mine out. This doesn’t sound good at all.

Me: er.. ma’am.. are you being.. sarcastic?

I am nervous. She rolls her eyes.

Ma’am: no, im serious. I think you are on the path to enlightenment.

She makes a dramatic hand gesture. At this point I am almost sure she is making fun of me. I don’t know if I should laugh or be ashamed of myself. She then goes on to explain why she actually did like my answers.

Ma'am: Very good. I think your last answer was very good.

Dammmmnnn. She actually did think my answers were good. She made a smiley face on my paper and all. This is so cool! I cant stop grinning.

Me: Really? So… I passed?

She smiles at me

Ma'am: Haha, Dont be silly. Ofcourse not.

Technologic

1:00 pm: Listening to music on my phone during class. What is the probability I will pass this statistics course? I would know if I were paying attention.

1:20 pm: Phone says 'Accessory Not Supported' when I plug in the headphones-really? Well, you didnt have a problem supporting the accessory yesterday. or the day before. Why the sudden change of mind? Phone, I do not understand you.

2:40 pm: Im fighting with the electronics man, trying to make him believe that the headphones i bought off him never really worked. We argue for a while and then he stops even looking at me. Sigh. Fail.

2:50 pm: I HAVE A NEW LAPTOP CHARGER! YAYYYY. Finally. I havent turned on my laptop for three days now.

5:00 pm: um.. why isnt this charger working? WHY ARENT YOU WORKING?! I HAVE A SUBMISSION TOMORROW AND ALL MY WORK IS ON THE LAPTOP. ARGHH.

6:00 pm: Electricity is out. Oh well.

7:00 pm: Electricity is back. Okay the charger really doesnt work.

9:00 pm: Phones dying. Cant find chargerrr

10:30 pm: Cant find phone.

11:00 pm: Cant find anything. WHY ISNT THE ELECTRICITY BACK?!

12:45 am: UPS dies.

1:00 am: Maybe I should try calling my phone. YEAH. I walk over to the landline. Phones dead. SERIOUSLY?

1:01 am: I'll try calling from Niapis phone. Its out of battery.

FML.

Blackholes And Revelations

Things I discovered this week

1) Sleep deprivation makes you do things you usually wouldn’t.

2) Sleep deprivation is awesome.

3) Sleep deprivation can screw with your head and drive you insane.

4) Sleep deprivation is still pretty awesome, crazy REM and shaking hands aside.

5) My will power has evolved.

6) The universe is my friend.

7) High heels are not.

8) High heels are awesome.

9) Upstairs, things slow down and make sense.

10) I can always find something to obsess about. Heeh.

11) New obsessions always find me at the right time.

12) Time does not exist when I go out to shop.

13) I CANT WAIT FOR NYDS 2010 – WOOH (okay, this one wasn’t a discovery.. but it had to be mentioned somewhere)

14) I don’t mind sharing my room.

15) Peri peri is a lifesaver

Goodbye awesome, AWESOME week. Seven days of pure nonstop insanity (not necessarily the good kind that I have gotten used to) have come to an end. I fare thee well.

Stop Your Messin' Around, Boy...Better Think Of Your Future

At 14, 20 year old people were old to me. (ok well, duh)

Like, oh-man-its-all-downhill-from-here-onwards-for-these-suckers- old.

And it felt like something that was so far away from me.

Twenty.

When I will know what I want to do, where I want to be and everything else.

Listening to Katy Perry at 1:26am after three sleepless nights, an exam the next day, a horrible headache and not enough sense to go to sleep was not what I had in mind.

Oh, and I turn 21 soon.

Yay me.

Where Is My Mind?

Your head will collapse
If there's nothing in it
And you'll ask yourself

Where is my mind?

You know that feeling after sleeping for an hour the night before and then having way too much caffeine in your system? and being at university and wanting to just go home, and just rewind back a few hours and NOT do something totally stupid and pointless which you are kinda glad you did but then also feel that things might get weird and you are going to be like shiiiit that was stupid because you could have just spent that time not being emo and then you could have studied, not that you didn't totally ace your hourly...



um.
..I think its time for more coffee.